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April 10, 2008

MGS2:Substance "Snake Tales"

In MGS2:Substance, "Snake Tales" (ST) is a bonus mode where you get to play 5 different non-canon missions across Big Shell. The main bonus is that instead of playing as the ever-so-whiny Raiden, you get to play as Solid Snake himself. There's one problem though... SNAKE TALES SUCKS MAJOR ASS!!! Ok, first of all, let me give you a basic idea of this mode. Starting out, you get to read 10-15 pages of poorly written text, since Kojima thought that no voice acting wouldn't matter and slapping together an introduction that a 6th grader could have written would suffice just fine. WRONG. Second of all, you don't get a fucking radar, which Raiden has through his entire playthrough! Now before you call me a noob, go play MGS2 and take a look at the game's camera. It's a shitty overhead view that the game gives you no control of, but the radar always compensated for it. "No radar" doesn't make the game harder, it just makes the camera seem shittier than it already is! FAIL. I would rant about limited weapons and the shitty close range melee combo, but that's just MGS and I like it that way. But finally, the mission's just suck in general. Horrible plots, no cutscenes or voice acting, no codec support, only certain savespots, limited rations, overpowered AI, and everything feels like a giant rehash, except they reskinned Raiden for Snake. Unless you have an XBOX HUEG boner for Snake, avoid Snake Tales. It's the definition of Kojima being a lazy fuck.

I give "Snake Tales" a 6/10, since it's still MGS, which makes it awesome.


Anonymous said...

hehe... spend a little to much time on MGS lately.

Nice review/rant/praise.

Tha Pirateninja said...

I started raging about 15 minutes after we hung up. I hate Snake Tales, a lot.

ben said...

Jesus. Paragraphs man. Also, you didn't tell me you wrote like a raging teenage idiot >.<

Tha Pirateninja said...

STFU mailman, I was in a state of rage.